A puck is a hard rubber disc that hockey players strike when they can't hit one another.
--Jimmy Cannon
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American professional athletes are bilingual; they speak English and profanity
--Gordie Howe
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Bridge is the only game that bruises more shins than hockey.
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By the age of 18, the average American has witnessed 200,000 acts of violence on television, most of them occurring during Game 1 of the NHL playoff series.
--Steve Rushin
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Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts. Our main imports are baseball players and acid rain.
--Pierre Trudeau
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Hockey would be a great game... if played in the mud.
--Jimmy Cannon
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How would you like a job where, if you made a mistake, a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo?
--Jacques Plante
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Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept.
--Doug Larson
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No, I never broke my nose playing ice hockey; but eleven other guys did.
--Gordie Howe
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Playing goal is like being shot at.
--Jacques Plante
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Some guys play hockey. Gretzky plays 40mph chess.
--Lowell Cohn
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The only way you can check Gretzky is to hit him when he is standing still singing the national anthem.
--Harry Sinden
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There was a hockey player who failed as a chef specializing in birthday cakes. He was always called for icing.
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They say atomic radiation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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They were checking us so closely, I could tell what brand of deodorant they were using.
--Flyer Gary Dornhoefer
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We get nose jobs all the time in the NHL, and we don't even have to go to the hospital.
--Brad Park
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